"The Law of Attraction... The Fake Goods of (Life Coaching)"
By: Haya Al-Aqeel
Somewhere in a corner of the house, I sit by the window, occasionally following the world's updates around me on social media platforms. Some are valuable, and others are so ridiculous that they are hard to believe. I don’t know if this world we follow through our screens is real or just an illusion we try to convince ourselves is real. I find myself jumping from one piece of news to another, from one picture to another, and from one video to another on various topics. However, what stopped me this time — and to be honest, it has stopped me before — but this time it stopped me more than usual because it provoked me more than usual, was the sheer number of those who call themselves life coaches promoting a law called… the Law of Attraction.
They tell you that you deserve the best of everything, and that the delay in good things happening in your life is because of you, for not applying the Law of Attraction, and that you must practice this law for your wishes to come true. The promoters of this law make you feel for a moment as if you are in front of Aladdin's magic lamp, embodied in the form of a life coach in our days, teaching you the Law of Attraction through social media platforms. Then, they generously offer you examples, either from their own experiences or their imaginations — I honestly don't know — of how effective this law is in bringing all that is rosy and beautiful: One woman got a wonderful, handsome, rich husband with a good lineage because she raised her self-worth, another reached a high position because of her high self-worth, and another obtained a lot of money due to her great self-worth... also.
On the other side, they present examples of the dire consequences of having low self-worth: One person laments that she missed many opportunities in her life due to her low self-worth, and another tells us that everything you are experiencing now is what you deserve, whether good or bad. You can imagine that all your illnesses, problems, a nagging wife, an angry husband, a rebellious child, a destroyed homeland, a demolished house, and so on, are because of your low self-worth! Another person warns you — harshly — not to resist the Law of Attraction, a cosmic law that will turn your life upside down if you follow it.
I deserve the best.
I deserve the most beautiful.
I deserve the richest.
I deserve the strongest.
I deserve, I deserve, I deserve... etc.
But the question that arises here is:
I deserve the best based on what?
On what grounds do I deserve the best?
Is it based on my skills? My talents? My effort? My struggle? My experiences? My expertise? My time?
Based on what do I deserve the best?
Do I deserve the best because I look more beautiful?
Do I deserve the best because I come from a better family?
From a better tribe?
From a better country?
From a better race?
From a better color?
Based on what?
Or is it just that my mere existence in this life entitles me to deserve the best of everything in it?
If I believe I deserve the best based on the reasons mentioned above, then what is the difference between me and a narcissist?
Because whoever believes they are entitled to the best for those reasons is a narcissist, or at least has narcissistic traits.
Some of us repeat what we hear without awareness, adopting ideas imported from societies that encourage individualism and self-centeredness, excessive pursuit of satisfying personal needs and happiness, without considering whether this focus comes at the expense of others. Without any analysis, scrutiny, understanding, or awareness of the meanings these ideas hold and the behaviors they produce, which strip a person of responsibility toward others, making us the center around which everything else revolves.
Our existence in life does not automatically make us deserving of the best in it. Our existence in life is a responsibility, one that brings both rights, undoubtedly, as well as duties. The word "entitlement" revolves around the word "right," and whoever has rights also has duties. This was expressed by the Algerian thinker Malik bin Nabi when he said: "The people do not need us to talk about their rights and freedoms, but rather to define the means by which they can obtain them, and these means can only be an expression of their duties." He also said: "The right is not a gift given nor a prize to be seized, but rather the inevitable result of fulfilling one’s duty, as they are inseparable."
Even if we raise our self-worth to the skies, it will not lead us anywhere unless accompanied by effort and work. Even Paradise is only for those who work, strive, and struggle with their souls, and then hope for the mercy of God to enter it.
There is a big difference between entitlement and self-confidence. The entitlement they speak of differs from self-confidence, which we seek to gain and continuously improve. Self-confidence comes from possessing knowledge, working hard to advance and develop on all levels, achieving accomplishments, whether small or large, and fulfilling duties before demanding rights. Entitlement, however, is a word that has become overused and misunderstood, promoting fantasies that are realized simply by pressing an imaginary button called "entitlement," raising your vibrations towards deserving all the good in this world regardless of who you are, your essence, your actions, your contributions, and your fulfillment of your duties.
Entitlement without understanding, knowledge, effort, or striving is nothing but arrogance and pride masquerading as confidence, and it collapses at the first bump in life because it lacks a solid foundation. Confidence may waver, rise, or fall, but it does not easily crumble if built on a sound foundation.
No one denies that human beings are honored, "And We have certainly honored the children of Adam" (Qur'an 17:70), but some of these children of Adam are like cattle, or even more astray, "And We have certainly created for Hell many of the jinn and mankind; they have hearts they do not understand with, and they have eyes they do not see with, and they have ears they do not hear with. They are like cattle; rather, they are even more astray. It is they who are heedless" (Qur'an 7:179).
How many homes have been ruined by following such slogans without scrutiny or examination? The husband says, "I deserve the best," the wife says, "I deserve the best," and the children say, "We deserve the best." Each regrets the time lost together, as if all the pain in their lives occurred because they failed to observe the rules of entitlement. They did not realize that what hit you was never meant to miss you, and what missed you was never meant to hit you.
Souls are thrown into a spiral of thinking, "If I had done this, then this would have happened. If I had valued myself enough, I would have deserved much better than where I am now. If I had valued my beauty, I would have deserved this and that." A person begins to blame themselves, then undergo sudden changes in their environment and life, only to destroy themselves, and often those around them, as misplaced entitlement crushes them.
Wasn't it the misplaced high entitlement that led to Iblis being cast out of Paradise? "(Iblis) said, 'I am better than him: You created me from fire and created him from clay'” (Qur'an 7:12). He assumed he deserved better simply because, in his view, his origin was superior, and his punishment was to be cursed and expelled.
And Qarun, with his treasures, power, status, and position, who said, "He said, 'I was only given it because of knowledge I have...' (Qur'an 28:78)," was swallowed by the earth along with his home in an instant. Neither his status nor his wealth, lineage, or even his high entitlement saved him!
And the owner of the two gardens, who attributed his wealth and gardens to himself, and believed he deserved the best not only in this world but also in the Hereafter, "And he had fruit, so he said to his companion while he was conversing with him, 'I am greater than you in wealth and mightier in followers'” (Qur'an 18:34), lost everything as if it never existed, and his blessings did not last due to his inflated sense of entitlement, "And his fruit was encompassed [by ruin], so he began to turn his hands over what he had spent on it, while it had collapsed upon its trellises..." (Qur'an 18:42).
Our religion teaches us the principle that Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves, "Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves" (Qur'an 13:11), and "And that there is not for man except that [good] for which he strives, and that his effort is going to be seen..." (Qur'an 53:39-40), and "Say, 'Never will we be struck except by what Allah has decreed for us; He is our protector'” (Qur'an 9:51).
Furthermore, religion encourages solidarity and cooperation for the betterment of the community and the strengthening of society, rather than individualism and self-centeredness. Our Prophet taught us that "The believer to another believer is like a building whose different parts support each other," not to inflate the ego until it explodes and destroys itself and those around it. When the ego dominates, the natural outcome is the collapse and decline of society. Communities must raise the collective self-worth of their members, not inflate their individual egos to make them feel superior to others, only to end up sitting on top of the ruins.
Entitlement that is not based on understanding, work, striving, effort, or struggle is an illusion and a mirage that leads a person to think they have reached their destination, only to find themselves lost, deceived, and broken. The more one delves into the illusions of entitlement and the Law of Attraction, the deeper one becomes lost, disconnected from reality and themselves, and driven further into alienation from the world around them, until they wake up to a complete illusion — but after the destruction is done.
The promoted "entitlement" on social media these days is not what we need, nor what we are looking for. It is a modern tool for marketing based on the desires of fragile souls. What we need is self-confidence, awareness, and understanding of ourselves and our role in life. We need to raise our capabilities, work on ourselves and our development, strengthen our resolve, and constantly renew our energies with awareness and clarity, not by inflating our entitlement and scattering our energies among illusions.
The success of our lives is built on real and solid foundations, not on inflated illusions.